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My sister was a cruising wife, they lived aboard for many years. Their daughters went to school through correspondence, one graduated high school a year early. I remember pics from their little graduation ceremony on an isolated beach in the Bahamas, tassel and gown flowing in the Caribbean breeze. So I sort of thought since my sister lived happily and successfully that way, most every woman would probably want to live on a boat as much as possible. 

I was in error. Though most potential partners over the years enjoyed the sunny day with a nice breeze and light seas, it isn’t always like the picture on the brochure. And I found many women actually considered it an inconvenience to live on a 30 foot boat for long periods. The truth is many strong land locked relationships can’t float the boat on the boat. Even large cruisers are small when you need space from each other. And so I discovered a compatible cruising spouse or partner is a rare bounty. 

It took me 15 years of doomed relationships to find my wife and cruising partner. We’ve been together for just under a decade. During those 15 years of stormy seas I lost 3 serious partners directly to cruising. The old “It’s me or the boat” ultimatum always found me single again. I learned to ask “Do you get sea sick?” on every first date.  Finally I met Angela, a fellow Navy veteran who shared my passions for time on the water. I can’t say it’s all been smooth sailing since we met, but it certainly looks like happily ever after is our course.

Through the long years of searching the most common complaints potential partners offered about cruising were in three areas: creature comforts, stowage limitations, and foul weather/rough passages. Even now that I’m blessed with Angela these areas are still our stress points. It takes give and take on both sides of course, just like any relationship in any environment, afloat or ashore. Over the years we’ve upgraded the front berth mattress, found better cockpit cushions, and come up with a lot of small ways to add comfort. We also try harder to avoid foul weather at sea, and are better prepared for when we inevitably get caught. However, like many couples, we still have a reoccurring sticking point.

Storage limitations are still our main source of disagreement. My argument is you have to make adjustments, there is simply no room for an extra six pairs of fashionable shoes on a small cruiser. Angela’s moto is to be prepared for everything no matter how unlikely, from a surprise fancy dinner where upscale attire is required, to the zombie apocalypse. We fuss, we disagree, we compromise, though in my opinion I’m the one who compromises, but she probably feels it’s the other way around. An uncluttered main cabin is my line, I want to be able to sit down or stretch out without having to move gear. Angela’s take on that is if it’s stowed out of sight, she can bring it. She’s an expert gear stasher, no storage bin or locker is less than full. I’m sure the boat sits deeper in the water since we met, but we make it work.

Some things are better onboard. My Angela is just a little OCD, and at home it sometimes drives me a little nuts. The spring of 2020 found us both working from home. We have a mostly empty nest now, but our large empty home was definitely not big enough for the two of us when locked down by the pandemic. When she ran out of her own things to rearrange and organize she turned to my stuff. It was not a good time. Then we were able to get the boat launched, and it all got better. On our vessel every item has its place, usually in a clear plastic bag to resist moisture and be able to see what’s inside at a glance. Her OCD nature is a great asset to cruising. If I wake up in the middle of the night with a leg cramp I can stumble through the cabin and put my hand on the ibuprofen without turning on a light. Blindfolded I can find a harness, a lantern, some peanut butter, whatever. So when I open the top galley drawer and see even our clear plastic bags are kept in a clear plastic bag I don’t shake my head, I smile. If 15 years of ‘in search of’ taught me anything, it’s don’t rock the boat needlessly.

Early in our relationship my sister visited and joined us for a short cruise. Due to my sister’s vastly superior experience Angela often deferred to her on this or that till my sis stopped her and said, “Honey, you set it up how you want, you’re Queen of the Boat here.” With that impromptu coronation the title has stuck. And I would suggest to anyone lucky enough to have a compatible cruising spouse or partner that the rank of first mate is insufficient. 

These rare treasures of the sea should all be crowned Queen of the Boat.

(Recently I dug in my spare parts locker and there, shoved in two very large clear plastic bags, were six pairs of shoes.)